William Shatner, Krampus, and zombie elves reunite here for one of the wackiest Christmas tales ever told on screen. Even Santa Claus himself is drawn into an epic battle with the demonic anti-Santa Claus of Nordic mythology. Will the man in the red suit be able to unzombify the North Pole? You’ll have to find out next month.

A Christmas Horror Story was very well received earlier this year at the Fantasia Film Festival, which became an instant fan favorite alongside Deathgasm and another Canadian film, Turbo Kid.

About A Christmas Horror Story

CHRISTMAS: a time of Joy, Peace and Goodwill, unless you happen to live in the town of Bailey Downs. Here, on Christmas Eve, joy is corrupted when a malevolent spirit traps three teens in a school basement intent on recreating a twisted version of the Nativity story. Peace is shattered when a family returns from a snowy forest with the perfect Christmas tree only to find something is terrifyingly wrong with their seven-year-old son. And goodwill is perverted when a not-so-nice family is hunted down by Krampus, the demonic anti-Santa Claus of Nordic mythology. Even Santa Claus himself is drawn into the horror when he has to fight off a horde of howling Zombie Elves before making his rounds. This Christmas, the creatures are stirring and they’re coming for you whether you’re naughty or nice.

Watch Caesar & Otto’s Deadly Xmas for free over at The Movie & Music Network.

I’m not going to lie, this is a horrible movie. Any high school student with a camera and a group of friends could have made an equally good movie. It’s buried at first, but once you realize that the comedy here is dry the movie becomes that much more enjoyable. And once the movie starts making fun of itself you can start actually letting out a chuckle or two… and then the substandard acting and distractingly bad sets become part of the movie’s charm.

It’s true, by the time the final credits roll, the movie has quite a bit of charm.

Caesar & Otto’s Deadly Xmas centers on two half brothers, Caesar and Otto, who take a non-paying job as Santa’s helpers handing out flyers for Xmas Inc. Early on, Caesar tries to host a Thanksgiving dinner, but the majority of his guests cancel. Then, because Caesar said he looked like one of Keith Richards’ illegitimate daughters, one of the brothers’ Santa coworkers takes a disliking to them and forms a personal vendetta. To get to them, this third Santa starts killing off all of the guests who cancelled on Caesar’s Thanksgiving dinner.

Things eventually develop and we learn that there’s a Satanic cult trying to rejuvenate the origins of Xmas.

There are plenty of random moments as well. Such as the guy who gets his arms chopped off and escapes his murder by driving away in a car… and then he has both arms later on in the movie. A deliberate inconsistency? I actually think it is. It’s especially funny when our armless victim tries to flag down a car and exclaims, “I can’t even hitchhike.”

The love story between Otto and Allison is pretty random too.

The gore? The gore is sparse, but it’s actually very well executed for such a low-budget movie. It’s not realistic, but it looks pretty damn good.

From the guys that brought you the killer clown pranks, here is their latest scare prank episode with psycho Santa. Never trust him without the hat again!

It seems that Kevin Smith isn’t the only one taking on the Krampus legend; Trick ‘r Treat director, Michael Dougherty, is returning to the horror genre with a film called Krampus.

So far, Krampus is in pre-production and according to The Hollywood Reporter casting has begun, and Allison Tolman and Emjay Anthony are set to star. The two will play mother and son and will have to defend themselves from a Krampus attack. If you need a reminder, Krampus is Santa’s evil companion who captures and punishes naughty children by carrying them back to his lair, or to hell, in a sack or washtub.

Allison Tolman is known from FX’ Fargo television series and Emjay Anthony was recently seen in Chef, from director Jon Favreau.

If you’re wondering about Kevin Smith take on the European Alpine legend, last we heard his film is to be an anthology horror and called Comes the Krampus.

Rock Hard \m/

The Twelve Days Of Horror Christmas

Yell! Magazine hopes that you’re having a wonderful Holiday Season, full of movies about people having very poor, violent seasons in general. Because you’ve been such kickass fans, we’ve decided to compile a list of movies for you, using the ranking system found in a song that your grandparents turn off the radio for, “The Twelve Days Of Christmas.” We hope you watch them all, straight through, with no breaks. Because, honestly, your wife and kids can fend for themselves for a week.

On the first day of Christmas, Yell! Magazine gave to you…

Twelve Slashers Slashing

Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter

Rigor mortis is given its most scientific representation ever when an angry fat girl is stabbed and she squeezes the banana she was eating so hard that it breaks in half. Crispin Glover attempts to become less awful at sex. The mom is hot.

Black Christmas

Christmas and telephones are ruined forever.

The Hills Have Eyes

Dogs are proven to be natural heroes as they tear out mutant throats. Parents are proven to be natural targets. Teens are proven to be unnaturally good at rigging stuff to burn and explode.

My Bloody Valentine

A group of teens spend their time drinking and mining and dying. Someone gets a box of chocolates with a heart inside. They find this odd and are disappointed by it.

Prom Night

Prom night is a disaster. And now for the film’s description: Prom Night is a disaster.

The Slumber Party Massacre

Girls hang out in panties as a jacket-wearing guy drills them with a drill that’s actually a drill and not a visual metaphor for a penis and that last “not” is an untruth.

Hatchet 2

Victor Crowley has his home disturbed for the second time in a few days and he takes it very personally. Kills two people with a giant chainsaw and wrestles with the guy who played Leatherface in Texas Chainsaw 3. Is getting curb stomped on the edge of a table considered a TKO?

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

The best film in a series that has about three best films in it. Freddy rips out a kid’s veins and turns him into a puppet. The other kids turn into X-Men and, for the most part, lose their respective one-on-one fights.

Halloween 2

John Carpenter said that he was drunk when he wrote this film. Drinking is great.

Hannibal

Any of the realism in Silence of the Lambs is abandoned when Commissioner Gordon attempts to feed Lector to some giant pigs. He gets eaten instead. Gotham loses the hero it needs.

Asylum Blackout

Great first half until the filmmakers decided to wonder if the massacre actually happened or not. Guy gets his nose bitten off and is then burned to death. Asylum Cook and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

The Devil’s Rejects

Michael Berryman claims that he isn’t no chicken fucker. If you aren’t sold by now, you won’t be.

This little teaser, which is over three minutes long features Chuck Liddell, Shane Carwin, Joe Lauzon, Urijah Faber, Chris Weidman, Johny Hendricks and more MMA fighters showing off their skills vocally to help us get into the Christmas spirit this year.

Check it out and make sure you visit Gamma Labs to see what products are on special before the end of the year.

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For a guy too old to be a kid, but too young to have started a family, Christmas bites ass. Sure, you might get some shit from your parents, siblings, roommates, or girlfriend, but the magic that was Christmas morning is long passed and all you have to look forward too is spending money on people you only see during the holidays.

To beat the holiday blues, nothing works as great and cheers you up better than a good X-mas horror flick. Yeah, I’m feeling the Christmas spirit flow over me like a blood-soaked Santa suit just thinking about it.

But why keep the fun all to myself? The holidays are a time of sharing. So with that in mind, here are some films that will get you in a joyous mood come Christmas day.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

I start the list with the Jalmari Helander film because what better way to get into the Christmas spirit than to join your fellow man in a movie theater to watch Santa go on a killing spree after being dug up and thawed out from an icy prison by some ignorant archeologists? There isn’t one.

Black Christmas (aka, Silent Night, Evil Night) (1974)

What’s not to love about a sorority house full of college chicks on Christmas break being stalked and murdered by a psycho killer? Nothing. Black Christmas is one of the original slasher films that inspired all the blood and guts of the late ’70s and ’80s.

Christmas Evil (aka, You Better Watch Out) (1980)

A crazy toymaker scarred as a child dresses in a Santa suit and goes on a rampage. Note to future fathers: if you’re going to fuck your wife under the Christmas tree, don’t dress up as St. Nick, your child may be watching.

Santa’s Slay (2005)

Demon bets with angel. The angel wins and the demon becomes Santa giving out toys to good children. Imagine all the pent up hostility and murderous rage the demon would release if ever he found a way out of the bet? Well, you don’t have to, just watch this David Steiman movie and enjoy the carnage.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Another film about a killer in Santa gear. This time the guy saw his parents murdered by a robber in the red suit and then was abused by the Mother Superior of the orphanage he was placed in afterward. When he is forced to wear the evil red and white as a requirement for his job, he snaps and the fun begins.

Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984)

Harder to sit through than most of the other films on this list, Don’t Open Till Christmas is much more enjoyable because of it. A psychopath is on a killing spree in London and his target is shopping mall Santas. Will Inspector Ian Harris of Scotland Yard be able to catch the deranged murderer? Who the fuck cares, just enjoy the mayhem.

Child’s Play (1988)

When a horror film’s slashing killer is a possessed child’s doll you know you’re in for a fun ride. Karen Barclay searched everywhere for a Chucky doll to buy for her son at Christmas, but little did she know that purchasing it out of the trunk of a car would lead to such disastrous and bloody results. How could she know the doll became inhabited by a psycho murderer named Charles Lee Ray? She couldn’t, but it’s a blast to watch her find out.

To All a Good Night (1980)

Another slasher film involving sorority girls, but this time our killer decides a Santa suit is the most appropriate costume for his murderous rampage. Young, beautiful, and naked college chicks being snuffed is what makes slasher films fun to watch and To All a Good Night has just that.

Santa Claws (1996)

You would think that if you went crazy and decided you were Santa Clause you would most likely be of the Edmund Gwenn/Kris Kringle variety, but not in this John A. Russo horror flick. In this one you’re a crazy man bent on possessing a beautiful erotic film actress and won’t let anything get in your way.

Jack Frost (1997)

Enough with Santas on killing sprees, we need something different to whet our whistle. How about a snowman instead? Scott MacDonald plays Jack Frost, a once serial killing human, now a revenge-seeking snowman bent on taking out the guy who caught him.

L’ultimo treno della notte (Night Train Murders) (1975)

Two girls heading home for Christmas from Germany by train are confronted and brutalized by a trio of killer rapists. When the hoodlums meet up with the parents of one of the girls, you get flashbacks to Wes Craven’s controversial Last House on the Left.

Well there they are, the 11 films to watch this Christmas season. I hope they reward you with gratuitous amounts of holiday cheer.

Later,