Dawn of the Dead made me realize that it wasn’t a matter of if, it was a matter of when the zombies come. It was that real. And you can’t argue with facts: ‘When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.’ - Scott Ian tells revolvermag.com what his fave horror movie is

5 Horror Films Banned in Germany – Credit: Full Fathom 5

I do have a bone to pick with the country’s entertainment standards though. It’s insane to me that Germany would ban these five horror films, as I like all of them. It might be unfair to judge something as huge as an entire entertainment industry based on my personal preferences, but if you’ve ever read any of my earlier work here at Yell! Magazine, such as the Top 20 Worst Horror Films Ever, then you know that crazy is something I’m very familiar with. I know insanity when I see it.

For whatever reason, these five horror films were banned in Germany.

No.5 The Orphan Killer (2011)

The Orphan Killer was written and directed by Matt Farnsworth, who handled it with a great deal of confidence. In a lot of slasher films nowadays, there is this weird obsession with paying homage or tribute to classic slashers. Unless it’s the Hatchet series, these “slasher” films have been fucking up those aforementioned tributes. The Orphan Killer pays tribute to no prior film or concept. Well, except for the concept that a hot blonde in black fishnets is super hot. That’s a concept that predates the dinosaurs. Kudos on that reference, The Orphan Killer.

The Orphan Killer deals with two siblings, orphaned after a robbery gone wrong, and put in the care of nuns and priests. From the start, you can tell something is wrong with the little boy. The warning signs for him include beating another child with a baseball bat, which I imagine hovers just below the second worst thing you can do to another child with a baseball bat; getting whipped; and having a mask put on him. Needless to say, his descent toward becoming the Orphan Killer began there.

It’s very clear throughout the movie that the Orphan Killer doesn’t take shit from anyone. And as soon as he’s big enough to kill, he takes every possible opportunity to do so. Sometimes you’ll see characters in horror films that you want to get killed off, but they never do, because directors like to show “restraint,” which might be German for “wuss.” Matt introduces a teen girl character just so you’ll get annoyed enough to want to see her get strangled with barbed wire. That’s the most fan-pleasing thing I’ve seen in a film since Toby Jones shot the religious zealot in the head in The Mist.

Another great thing about the Orphan Killer is his mask and various accessories. If you’re waiting for an iconic blade or tool to be introduced, just look for the nearest closet, because there’s a multitude of items used here. And the mask is simply really fucking cool looking. It’s not clean or ironic, but it’s just memorable enough that something could be potentially build around it in the future.

I also really dug the Orphan Killer’s breathing, as compared to his speaking voice. When speaking, he’s eloquent and pretty clever for someone who spent his life being masked and screeched at by nuns. But when he isn’t talking, he has this labored breath that sounds like Michael Myers in heat. The breathing is the condiment on the meal of a murder. And what’s stomping on a horny janitor’s head without a little pepper?

Overall, I dug The Orphan Killer. I’m not sure if there’s room for a sequel, but it was a breath of fresh air for indie slasher films, after what feels like years of “AND WE CALLED THE TEACHER MR. LOOMIS! GET IT! LIKE IN HALLOWEEN! HIGH SCHOOL WAS TERRIBLE FOR ME. HOW’D YOU GUESS?”

No.4 Dawn of the Dead (1978)

One part zombie epic and one part zombie epic, Dawn of the Dead is one of the best films ever made. I don’t need to go into detail about the plot, because if you haven’t seen it, you’re probably someone’s cat anyway. Four people get trapped in a mall with zombies. If you’re wondering if there’s more than that, there isn’t. It’s simple and beautiful, and if you can’t appreciate Dawn of the Dead, then how in the hell are you reading this article, Hitler?

The best part of Dawn of the Dead occurs when a bunch of bikers, including Tom Savini, break into the mall. This sets in motion what scientists and restaurant owners refer to as a “buffet.” The film opens with a mass slaughter and, after a long time of suspense and Ken Foree looking cool while lounging around, ends with one too. Dawn of the Dead has a three-act structure in the best way.

Act 1: Kickin’ ass, fightin’ zombies, and gettin’ killed by zombies.

Act 2: Mall music. Maybe a death.

Act 3: Hell yes, Act 1 was awesome! Let’s do that shit again.

Halloween 2011 - Yell! Magazine Editors Picks

We here at Yell! Magazine watch horror movies throughout the year, but if there is any time of the year that everybody should watch a blood-curdling, stomach-churning, nightmare-inducing film, it’s on Halloween. Even if you aren’t a horror fan, you have no damn excuse. The great thing about horror movies on Halloween is that they’re just as perfect for those who are in alone as they are for those at a party, in which case they can be watched as a group or just kinda on in the background.

We’ve taken it upon ourselves to make a collective list of our staff’s favorite movies to watch on Halloween. Sit back, reminisce with us, enjoy, maybe learn something, and, above all, get scared.

Yell! Magazine’s Halloween Movie Staff Picks

Jamie Lee’s Picks

The Ring (2002)

It’s very rare that I actually enjoy the American remake of a Japanese remake… well, at all — but let alone like I do The Ring.

The Ring is one of the most fresh “recent” horror films that I’ve seen. Everything about this movie is pure win. Dare I say, pure genius? I didn’t watch this at a Halloween party, but I did watch it at my 18th birthday party with a group of burly young men that were twice my size. At least one of them started shaking during it. The rest of them kept denying being scared. Methinks the men protested too much.

The Ring is a wonderful film that leaves you anxious for more, but so dread-filled that you’re glad it’s over at the same time. This movie is full of sinister yet subtle scares that prey upon your mind. This is an almost threatening movie in the sense that it will make you seriously paranoid. There are few things less frightening than creepy children, specifically when those creepy children are as nasty and spiteful as Samara Morgan. The words “seven days” have been known to still cause a few shudders even nine years after the film’s release. Now that’s an accomplishment in the world of horror.

Show this movie to a friend of yours who claims not to scare easily; I guarantee it’s worth your while.

The Ring (2002) Trailer

Hellraiser (1987)

I’m supposed to sum up how much I love Hellraiser and why it’s a great movie for Halloween, in less than 300 words. I’m a huge Clive Barker fan and this is really his seminal work, movie or literature-wise. You would never expect to be able to bring a story like The Hellbound Heart to screen, but it’s done here rather admirably. Even the master of horror himself, Stephen King said, “I have seen the future of horror and his name is Clive Barker.” Barker’s evil genius is made all the more tantalizing on celluloid.

The Cenobites are as gruesome and bone-chilling as you’d expect them to be, and people fucking love it. This movie is best viewed with a drinking game. Like, every time Pinhead scares the shit out of you? Take a shot. (Yell! Magazine does not take any responsibility for any deaths by alcohol poisoning.) Or everytime there’s a boatload of mindbending gore? Take a shot. Yeah, you’ll be trashed by the time that the movie is over, but it’ll make for a memorable night. Make sure to invite squeamish friends to a special viewing of this movie. That’ll make it a night you’ll really never forget, especially when you see the puke stains in your carpet.

Hellraiser (1987) Trailer

Check out Evil Argento’s picks after the jump…