Slasher – Yell! Magazine Where Subcultures Collide™ Sat, 27 Jul 2019 14:21:51 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.2 Dear Mom And Dad, Take Me Home: A Sleepaway Camp Review /sleepaway-camp-1983review/14239/ /sleepaway-camp-1983review/14239/#comments Sat, 27 Jul 2019 11:00:50 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=14239 Ah, Sleepaway Camp. I remember my first experience with it well. It was a hot summer night down in the hills of Tennessee. I had decided to throw a party and invited a few friends over. In the meantime, I got 10 bucks from my mom and went down the street to one of the three video stores in the town. I browsed the shelves repetitively before I noticed the Sleepaway Camp VHS staring at me. I grabbed it and April Fool’s Day (a movie which I hope to cover soon), got them out the door and back to my house in time for the first wave of friends to show up.

What ensued was them calling me a “fucking weirdo” for my taste in films. I don’t think they were as taken with my choices as I was. We ended up watching some other movies, but in my heart I knew that Sleepaway Camp was surely a masterpiece.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Boat Scene

The movie starts out more like an after-school special than anything else. At a local lake a man and his two children who have unseemly Jersey Shore accents are on a small boat, while a cocky teen and his loud, bratty girlfriend take their friend water skiing. They are of no consequence to each other until the girlfriend starts screeching at her boyfriend about how she wants to drive the boat. He reassures her that she knows nothing about it, but she tells him that her daddy has one and yes she does. In the meantime, the kids have tipped their boat over to play a practical joke on dad. All is well and good until the bratty girlfriend has her way. She promptly hits all three members of the family, even though they were pressed up against the sand and could have gotten out at any time before she hit them, and presumably kills them, all while their friend screams at the top of her lungs in a manner that borders between hysterical and hilarious. A mysterious man on the shore seems grief-stricken, but that’s all we’re treated to before the movie flashes forward.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Aunt Martha

Here’s where it gets legitimately creepy for me. The next shot flashes to eight years later in a scenic house in the suburbs, where an insanely scary woman beckons two children down the stairwell so they can get on the bus for camp. The actress who plays Aunt Martha, Desiree Gould, is killing this part in one of the best ways ever — if you’re into that sort of thing. There’s a distinct Mommy Dearest vibe about her and she’s way over the top, but it starts off the movie in a campy (no pun intended), unsettling sort of way. Either you’re going to find it creepy or you’re going to laugh. Anyway, the woman has given both the children their physicals but tells them not to tell anyone. That’s not suspicious at all, right?

And so the cousinly duo of streetwise Ricky and seemingly mute Angela are sent off to Camp Arawak, where one of the first characters we meet is the lovable camp chef and pedophile Artie. Yeah, it’s just that sort of a movie. Ricky explains to one of his friends that Angela is just “kind of shy.” That’s putting it mildly. If this movie had been made circa 2011, Angela would have been heavily medicated and in group therapy. Ricky shows Angela around and sees popular camp bitch Judy, who has filled out over the summer and is no longer conversing with him. Immediately Judy dislikes Angela, as does the Queen Bee counselor, Meg. Three days later, we learn that Angela hasn’t spoken yet or eaten anything (camp counselor Meg quips, “If she were any quieter, she’d be dead”). She is taken to meet Artie who promptly tries to molest her in the walk-in freezer. Guess who gets killed first?

Sleepaway Camp picture

Like with most of my reviews, I won’t give much more of the plot away, but the movie is worth sticking with. The deaths start out intense and are amped up throughout the film. There is a particularly cringeworthy one that made every single one of my female friends gasp with horror during my first viewing of this film and it’s not even shown directly — sometimes implied horror works wonders. The gore in the film isn’t excessive, but it gets the job done without too many missteps.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Arrow Death Scene

The acting is fairly par for the course for a 1980s slasher flick. The two leads, Felissa Rose (Angela) and Jonathan Tiersten (Ricky) do well for themselves in their respective roles. Felissa Rose’s portrayal of Angela borders between sympathetic and disturbing. Both of them have stayed active in the Sleepaway Camp series and have even done conventions. The rest of the cast is fair to middling, but they don’t need to be extraordinary to convey the story. Another stand out actor is Karen Fields who plays Judy. She plays the part so well that you want to see her dead within the first half hour, if not less. Her performance gets even stronger as the movie goes on.

Sleepaway Camp picture (1983) - Angela

The plot comes with an interesting twist toward the middle of the film that will leave many viewers going, “Huh?” It does shed some light on Angela’s background story, but it doesn’t get too elaborated upon until the end of the film, which will leave even more viewers saying, “What the FUCK?!” The surprise ending of the film has long been lauded as one of the most shocking endings in a horror movie and with good reason; it packs a one-two punch that probably wouldn’t have eked by the sensors so easily today.

Sleepaway Camp was popular enough to have spawned Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers in 1988, Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland in 1989, and Return to Sleepaway Camp in 2008. With a legacy like that, you know it’s either gotta be so good you need to watch it, or so bad that it’s worth a view. Luckily in my opinion, it’s the former.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Sleepaway Camp is a fun movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously but manages to leave a lasting impression. Anyone who likes the slasher genre will find it worthy of their time. A few more viewings might be necessary to take in the film’s last five minutes — which is always a good thing, in my opinion.

Sleepaway Camp 1983 Trailer

Comment below and tell us about your favorite camp slashers!

Sleepaway Camp (1983) Poster
Yell! Rating (x/5 Skulls):
[rating:4]
Year Released:
18 November 1983 (USA)
Director:
Robert Hiltzik
Cast/Crew
Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten, Karen Fields, Christopher Collet, Paul DeAngelo, Tom Van Dell, Loris Sallahian, Desiree Gould, Robert Earl Jones
Genre
Horror, Thriller
Official URL:
none
]]>
/sleepaway-camp-1983review/14239/feed/ 11
The Hills Have Eyes (1977) Review: Yell! Magazine’s Greatest Films Series /the-hills-have-eyes-1977-review/36733/ /the-hills-have-eyes-1977-review/36733/#respond Sat, 06 Jul 2019 11:05:35 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=36733 After the release of The Last House On The Left, director Wes Craven had trouble finding work that wasn’t related to horror film. Despite the notoriety of his debut movie, not a lot of faith was put into him to make something outside of the weird-people-viciously-raping-and-killing genre. This was a source of much frustration for Craven, who sought desperately to break out the weird-people-viciously-raping-and-killing genre. However, despite his apprehension in creating another film in the genre-that’s-getting-repetitive-to-type, in 1977, he wrote and directed The Hills Have Eyes, a film that would not only surpass Last House, but would be the first of three franchises that Craven would start.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977) - Pluto

The Hills Have Eyes deals with the Carter family who, after taking a “detour” while driving through the desert, fights a clan of cannibalistic desert people. These cannibals consist of the leader, Papa Jupiter, (who says one of my favorite lines in movie history: “I’M GONNA EAT THE HEART OF YOUR STINKIN’ MEMORY”), Mama, Ruby, Mars, Mercury, and Pluto. Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you’ve probably seen an image of Pluto, played by Michael Berryman, in your life. Berryman was born with a rare skin condition that prevented him from growing hair, sweat glands or fingernails. Thus, for better or for worse, he was perfect for playing the angry man-beast, Pluto. On a side note, Berryman is a really, really nice guy. I met him at a horror convention once and I would put him on my list of Top 5 People Who Wouldn’t Attempt To Murder My Family In The Desert.

The most controversial aspect of the film is the sequence in the middle, which is extremely brutal. Bob, the patriarch of the Carter family, is staked to a tree and burned alive. Pluto and Mars rape the youngest daughter, Brenda. Ethel and Lynne, the older daughter and matriarch of the family, are killed by Mars. This is the point of the movie that usually stops people from watching the second half. While it’s unsurprising that the events were orchestrated by the man who had formerly directed Last House, it is no less horrific.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

The film is in the same “rape-revenge” vein as Last House, but turns it into more of an overt fantasy. While it is loosely based off the story of Sawney Bean, the idea of a rogue family, living out in the middle of nowhere and living off those “richer” or “more normal” than they are is a popular one in culture:

The Hills Have Eyes took the romanticized story of a twisted Robin Hood-esque concept and mixed it with the horror that Craven was obviously talented at handling. I think that Hills is a better film than Last House, but it lacks the impact that Last House or Deliverance or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has, because it entrenches itself more in the fantastical. The hill clan is just a little too strange looking to be relatable, the locale is recognizable but foreign, and the story, that of a family fighting against, well, monsters, takes away the “it could happen in YOUR back yard” theme that Last House held so dearly.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

That might be my most legitimate stab at film criticism ever. Enjoy that last paragraph. If anything is going on my tombstone, it’s that.

There was an eight-year gap between Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes and Wes Craven’s Horseshit (which you might know in America as Wes Craven’s The Hills Have Eyes Part II). In that amount of time, Craven managed to devise a story that would take everything you loved about the original film and completely not do that again. The Hills Have Eyes Part II is what a train wreck refers to when it’s trying to make a train wreck metaphor. The film is so bad that your Blu-ray player will tell you “It’s not you, it’s me” after you pop the disc in. If you were to cut open Hitler’s stomach, the stench that would hit you would give you flashbacks to Hills Part II, whether you’ve actually seen it or not. Watching Hills Part II is like having a bar mitzvah for pure hate.

The Hills Have Eyes Part II

The Hills Have Eyes Part II concerns a member of the cannibal clan existing in a fashion that completely contradicts the mythology set up in the first film. Pluto comes back, after obviously dying in the first film. The dog from the first film also returns, and has flashbacks about the first film, showing that even animals can have PTSD when trapped in a movie this awful. Hills Part II concerns some motocross racers whose bus breaks down in the desert around where the Carter trailer broke down before and they end up getting attacked by mutants. I’m not quite sure whether the DVD case I bought had a movie inside or a bomb meant to blow up a film school.

The Verdict: [rating:3.5]

The Hills Have Eyes is an extremely gritty, fun film that displays not only Wes Craven’s growing aptitude for the horror genre, but works as an almost lighter companion to The Last House On The Left. While parts of it can be a struggle to get through for those with weak stomachs, or what do they call them… morals, I would recommend it for anyone who enjoys a good backwoods slasher flick. I wouldn’t, however, recommend The Hills Have Eyes Part II. I haven’t used the term “dookie” in years, but by god, it applies for that one.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Yell! Rating (x/5 Skulls):
[rating:3.5]
Year Released:
22 July 1977
Director:
Wes Craven
Cast/Crew
Suze Lanier-Bramlett, Robert Houston, Janus Blythe, Peter Locke, Suze Lanier-Bramlett, Michael Berryman, and John Steadman
Genre
Horror, Thriller
Official URL:
none
]]>
/the-hills-have-eyes-1977-review/36733/feed/ 0
The Slumber Party Massacre Retrospective – Exposing The Truth About Women For Over 30 Years /the-slumber-party-massacre-retrospective/35543/ /the-slumber-party-massacre-retrospective/35543/#respond Wed, 26 Jun 2019 19:25:58 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=35543 If you were to tell me, at fifteen, that a group of girls acted differently from the ones in the Slumber Party Massacre trilogy, I wouldn’t have believed you. If you told me that same thing now, I still wouldn’t believe you. These films have left an imprint on my brain that petty things like knowledge and realism can’t wipe away. Girls, by themselves, call each other “creep” a lot, only wear t-shirts and panties and talk about sex constantly. I accept no substitutes to this fantasy.

But I digress.

1982 was a good year for slasher films. You had Alone In The Dark, Friday the 13th Part 3, Humongous, plus one of the greatest sci-fi/horror films of all time, John Carpenter’s The Thing. But my favorite horror film of 1982, with the exception of The Thing, is a film called The Slumber Party Massacre, produced by Roger Corman and featuring Russ Thorne, the jean-jacket wearing psychopath who kills a good percentage of a high school girl’s basketball team with a large drill. It’s definitely as awesome as it sounds.

The Slumber Party Massacre
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe… your it bitch!

This film was written by Rita Mae Brown, author and feminist, as a parody of slasher films, but it was produced in a nearly completely straightforward manner. This means that, while there is some legitimate suspense in it, there are also a lot of jokes. A lot of people will watchThe Slumber Party Massacre, and will marvel at the utter stupidity of a move like, for example, the character of Valerie not seeing that the saw she’s carrying has a cord and only finding out when she runs out of cord and is yanked back. Another example is a gag involving a girl’s body stuffed in a fridge that almost falls out a few times. But, when you find out that it was originally a spoof, a lot of the sight gags make sense.

The Slumber Party Massacre
Kim, you are a fucking moron, but I still enjoy watching you undress. Bring your sister to my next slumber party.

It’s seventy-seven minutes long, and the movie seems to fly by, as it’s paced extremely well and really never slows down once it’s started. And holy shit, does it start. Sometimes slasher films have an extremely boring first half, because they deal with things like “getting to know everyone” and “exposition”. The Slumber Party Massacre doesn’t really do exposition for the story, as much as it does exposition for the tone. Sure, you get little things like a newspaper headline that talks about Russ Thorne’s previous murders, but, at it’s beginning, The Slumber Party Massacre seems mostly concerned with making you realize that A) the killer uses a drill and B) these girls are hot.

The Slumber Party Massacre
Dear Lord, Would you mind using a smaller drill bit thingy next time?

It accomplishes A by showing the killer using the drill and stalking a girl with it, within the first ten minutes. It gets through B with an extended locker room shower sequence. Some might call this gratuitous, but I think its film making at its finest. The gore never disappoints in The Slumber Party Massacre, and you get some disembowelings, two gouged eyes, a sliced off hand, and multiple stabbings and, of course, drillings.

The Slumber Party Massacre Great idea Kirk!!! …and you’re still not invited.

The drill, as a weapon, and especially when being used against beautiful teenage girls, is one of the most blatant examples of a phallic symbol that I’ve ever seen. Russ Thorne might as well have just swung a giant dildo around if they’d wanted something a bit less obvious. Interviews on the DVD (released in a fantastic three-movie set by Shout Factory) show that the killer and his tool are meant to represent a virgin’s fear of sex. Obviously this metaphor directly relates to women more than men, as a metaphor indicating a male virgin’s fear of sex would look more like a gelatin mold being laughed at by a sexy clown. However, this metaphor is toned down a notch and then twisted a bit in the second movie of the franchise, aptly titled The Slumber Party Massacre 2.

Is part 2, and Part 3 worthy of the Slumber Party Massacre name? Find out on the jump…

]]>
/the-slumber-party-massacre-retrospective/35543/feed/ 0
Do You Feel The Burning? A Review /burning-1981-review/14023/ /burning-1981-review/14023/#comments Tue, 11 Jun 2019 21:30:39 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=14023 The movie starts out with a group of campers bent on somewhat playful revenge toward asshole caretaker Cropsy, who has apparently been terrorizing campgoers for years. They are intent on “scaring the shit out of him”. It’s a noble goal and you would think it would be easily achieved, and that perhaps afterward, everyone would have a good laugh, Cropsy would stop drinking and start being nicer to campers, and everything would be peachy keen at Camp Blackfoot.

You would think that, but it would be really naive of you.

The campers sneak into Cropsy’s cabin and plant a rotting human skull of dubious origin with tealight candle eyes by the man’s bedside. They howl outside of his window and when he wakes up, he’s predictably frightened. In his panic, Cropsy knocks the skull over onto his leg and the fire spreads outrageously. There’s a gas can in his cabin and not in a storage shed somewhere. You can guess what happens next — it isn’t pretty. Cropsy runs out of the cabin and goes rolling down a ravine into the river, while the horrified campers decide just to run away.

The Burning (1981) - Cropsy burns

The next scene shows a doctor and an orderly walking down a hospital corridor making idle chit chat. The orderly informs the doctor that he’s seen some shit and has something really special to show him. The orderly peels back about fifteen curtains to get to a mysterious burn victim, urging the doctor to come and take a look. The burn victim’s grotesque looking arm is revealed when he reaches out to grab the orderly. The doctor promptly runs out of the room, leaving the orderly to pry himself out of the man’s grasp.

The Burning (1981) - Tom Savini

The title credits roll and after them, we see that it is now five years later. There are voice overs of people telling Cropsy that he needs to leave now, the skin grafts haven’t taken, that he shouldn’t be bitter to the little shits who ruined his life, and that he’s lucky to be alive, as he’s wheeled to the hospital doors. His first point of order is naturally to kill an overly chatty and whiny-voiced sex worker who doesn’t much care for what she sees when she gets a glimpse of the extensive burns the man has. He stabs her repeatedly in the stomach with her own sewing scissors and then pushes her out the window.

The film flashes to a view of a scenic lake. Camp Blackfoot is now called Camp Stonewater — because hey, no one will ever know about gruesome accidents as long as you change the name, right? There are campers participating in various activities, but the real highlight is Eddy (Ned Eisenberg, Law and Order) telling Dave (George Constan– err, Jason Alexander, in his film debut) about how much he’d like to get with camp shy-hottie Karen. During a baseball game, a female camper has to chase the ball into the woods and Cropsy lurks behind her, ready to strike. Just as he’s about to make his move, she skips back to daylight and sunshine without apparently noticing that there’s a huge burn victim ready to kill her.

The Burning Disfigured

For the next twenty or so we’re treated to a more personal glimpse of the campers lives. It gives us enough time to know exactly who want to see killed first without being so obnoxious that it derails the tone of the film. Camp weird guy Alfred (Brian Backer, later from Fast Times at Ridgemont High) sees Cropsy appear outside his window and no one believes him, because he’s the camp outcast. Their mistake. There are a few more near scares before the campers embark on a doomy sounding canoe trip. The campers are treated to Camp Blackfoot/Cropsy’s origin story, via campfire ghost story. Of course there’s a camper waiting to jump out of the bushes just at the good part in the story and everyone regards the tale as nothing more than campfire fluff.

The film picks up at a reasonable pace after that. The atmosphere is nicely maintained throughout the movie, with help from the decent score by Rick Wakeman. Worth noting is that the special effects were some of Tom Savini’s earliest works and he’s said that he was only given three days to come up with Cropsy’s makeup. That being said, he did a good job with what he was afforded and the effects certainly aren’t terrible, especially for a film that was made in 1981.

The Burning – Raft Massacre Scene

It’s worth noting that this isn’t just the film debut of Jason Alexander, but also Fisher Stevens (Short Circuit, Hackers) and Oscar award winner Holly Hunter (The Piano).

The Verdict

For me, this film embodies one of the earliest examples of a true slasher flick. There are no real twists and turns, no guessing games of ‘who’s the killer’ from the audience, and there’s not a lot of looking into Cropsy’s psyche or trying to understand what he’s done. It’s just a solid attempt from the Weinstein Brothers to capitalize upon the early slasher genre. And for this reviewer, it was a successful one. The acting is as good as it needs to be in a slasher film and the directing from Tony Maylam does it’s job. It’s a no-brainer movie that stands out for this reviewer as a cult classic that has gotten the attention it’s deserved over the years and remains little known for no good reason.

The Burning (1981)

It’s definitely worth a view for connoisseurs of slasher movies or people into older horror flicks, or any of you who want to see something different from today’s modern horror film offerings.


The Burning trailer

]]>
/burning-1981-review/14023/feed/ 5
Fantasia 2018: Don’t miss THE RANGER Screening /fantasia-2018-ranger-screening/123363/ /fantasia-2018-ranger-screening/123363/#respond Sat, 14 Jul 2018 11:20:56 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=123363 The Fantasia Film Festival has officially begun this week and that’s just awesome! Although some of the more popular screenings such as Mandy are probably already booked by now there still some other one’s worth checking out.

If you’re a fan of the slasher genre with a punk rock twist then look no further than The Ranger. A throwback which will definitely hit the spot. Instead of maniac killer with a hockey mask or a burnt delinquent killing teens this time a park ranger with an axe takes matters into his own hands.

After a run-in with the cops at a punk show goes sideways, Chelsea (Chloe Levine, THE TRANSFIGURATION) and her pals flee the city in search of a place to lay low. Running to the security of Chelsea’s old, abandoned family cabin in the woods, they fall under the watchful eye of an overzealous park ranger (Jeremy Holm, HOUSE OF CARDS) who holds a secret from Chelsea’s past.

Set to the beat of a killer punk soundtrack (FANG, The Avengers, The Grim, Rotten UK and more) and presented in eye-popping neon colors, Jenn Wexler’s debut offers a modern take on survivalist horror that both celebrates and subverts the genre’s tropes—with equal parts humor, glitter and gore.

The Canadian Premiere is scheduled for Fantasia 2018 on Monday, July 23rd @ 9:30 PM at the J.A. De Sève Theatre. Make sure to check it out!


]]>
/fantasia-2018-ranger-screening/123363/feed/ 0
The Friday The 13th Retrospective (Part 2) – Or: Time-Traveling, Parasitic Zombie Goalies From Hell! /friday-the-13th-retrospective-part-2-best-kills-hottest-babes/22778/ /friday-the-13th-retrospective-part-2-best-kills-hottest-babes/22778/#respond Fri, 03 Jun 2016 09:20:48 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=22778 Here we are again, on Jason’s chopping block, my much too easily dismembered readers. Seriously, guys! Why don’t you get some muscle tone going or something? If you can’t survive more than one machete strike to your dangly bits, then how am I supposed to make my rapid and not at all cowardly escape while using you all as disposable human meat shields? Where’s your commitment to keeping your faithful and much-more-important-than-you reviewer alive? Rest assured, your sacrifices will not go forgotten.

Friday the 13th Retrospective
Thanks… Billy? Bob? Billy-Bob?

Hey, isn’t that a scene from Total Recall? You know what that means! Hot, three-breasted Martian hooker action for any reader who manages to reach the end of this article. Don’t say I never reward with the gift of boobies. Speaking of unleashed sweater puppies, this is Yell! Magazine’s Friday The 13th Retrospective Part 2: Retrospective Harder!

In Part 1, we thoroughly examined Jason’s best kills and drooled over his sexiest victims. Well, I drooled. Maybe it’s a glandular problem. Or a horny-son-of-a-bitch problem. Either way, it’s a problem. The maid is getting tired of wiping up my drool puddles and other assorted puddles, which we won’t discuss at this particular junction in time. Suffice it to say, it’s never a good idea to take off your shoes in my house.

Where was I? Sorry, bodily fluids distract me something fierce. I blame myself for never moving past the masturbatory phase of my existence. What? I’m sharing, you ungrateful bastards! Sigh. Nobody loves me. Except lefty, righty, and Bambi the rhino horn sniffing hooker whose comatose form the plumber finally managed to pry off my crapper this week. (See: Top 10 Shark Movies and Top 10 Disappointing Threequels.) She was totally inappropriate for the tone of this article anyway. I need to call the escort agency for a replacement running gag whore… something in keeping with this retrospective…

Friday the 13th Retrospective
WE HAVE A WINNAH!


Jason Lives: Friday The 13th Part VI

Or: Yeah, poke the dead serial killer with a lightning rod. What’s the worse thing that could happen?

Tommy Jarvis returns, played this time by Thom Matthews of Return Of The Living Dead. Jarvis wants to put his demons to sleep once and for all. Thus, he ventures to Jason’s final resting place in the hopes of reaching some form of closure by viewing the killer’s decomposing corpse. A bottle of Wild Turkey and enough Valium to anesthetize Richard Simmons works for me, but to each his own. In a twist nobody save a 5 year old could have predicted, Jarvis accidently, not to mention improbably, brings Jason back to life by sticking a metal pole in his body. Said pole is subsequently struck by lightning and before you can say, “It’s alive! It’s alive!” Jason is back to his old shenanigans.

Friday the 13th Retrospective
Kind of you guys to bury me with my mask. Saves me the trouble of killing another fat kid.

Jason Lives is an odd duck. On the one hand, there’s a welcome sense of energy to the movie that wasn’t present in Part 5. On the other hand, the franchise’s growing penchant for gag kills was starting to become annoyingly too noticeable. For example, one chick gets cornered in an RV’s bathroom by Jason, he promptly shoves her head into the wall, which leaves a Looney Tunes-style imprint of her face on the other side. Hardy-har-har! What a kidder, that Jason. Another girl gets her head twisted all the way around by Jason’s newfound supernatural strength.

To make things worse, this is the only entry in the franchise without any nudity! None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. A whole lot of nada… nadalot? Teenagers bang, as usual, but they do it fully clothed. No nude skinny dipping scene. No gratuitous forest humping. What the hell?

BEST KILL: There really isn’t one. All of Jason’s victims buy the farm in completely unimaginative ways. So here’s a montage of every kill in the movie, maybe they’ll make more of an impact when strung together like this.

BEST BABE: How am I supposed to declare a winner when nobody gives up the goods? Sigh. Well, Darcy DeMoss, who is naked in everything else she’s ever starred in, is in the movie. So to keep you interested, here’s a totally random shot of her hidden assets.

Friday the 13th Retrospective

Who was the first actor to reprise the Jason role for a second outing?

]]>
/friday-the-13th-retrospective-part-2-best-kills-hottest-babes/22778/feed/ 0
The Friday The 13th Retrospective: Part 1 – Or: Patrick Roy Is Mad As Hell And He’s Not Taking It Anymore! /friday-the-13th-best-kills-hottest-babes/21878/ /friday-the-13th-best-kills-hottest-babes/21878/#comments Wed, 01 Jun 2016 10:00:51 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=21878 Discussions involving horror movie franchise royalty will invariably delve into one of three domains: Elm Street, Haddonfield… or Crystal Lake. Let’s leave Michael Myers in the capable hands of fellow Yell! Magazine writer Jamie Lee, and a couple dozen white chocolate mocha cappuccinos with a double shot of espresso taken intravenously should keep ol’ Freddy Krueger at bay for the duration of this article. If I suddenly start speaking at a much higher volume than everybody else, blame the caffeine. If I start seeing things that aren’t really there, blame the wide assortment of mental instabilities currently renting room in my head and firing random volleys of gibberish bullets each addressed “to whom it may concern” into my subconscious. Anyway, let’s get this thing started before I get distracted by something shiny.

Crystal Lake. It’s the home of one Jason Voorhees, serial killer, mutant freak, occasional parasitic organism and part-time Popsicle time traveler. Not to be confused with the bodacious Debbie Sue Voorhees, co-star of Friday The 13th Part V. Speaking of which, here’s the boring part of her upper body.

The Friday The 13th Retrospective - Best Kills and Hottest Babes
You get the bottom half later on.

While the dead teenager genre was around long before the first Friday The 13th hit theaters, it’s hard to argue that the original 1980 stab-fest perfected the formula long before its subsequent, and absurdly numerous, sequels ran it into the ground. The series introduced one of the most widely recognized horror monsters in history, bared more naked breasts than your average old folks home after they run out of little red pills, came up with more inventive ways to maim someone than the Marquis de Sade, and grossed nearly half a billion worldwide.

So without further ado, here is Yell! Magazine’s Friday The 13th Retrospective, just in time for… a couple of weeks before Halloween. Just in time for pre-Halloween! Preween! Yeah, Preween. I’m totally trademarking that shit. Please say hello to the star of our show, Jason Voorhees! Take a big bow Jason, but watch out for that ax I left lying on the floor.

The Friday The 13th Retrospective - Best Kills and Hottest Babes
DOH!


Friday The 13th (1980)

OR: Teenagers and promiscuous sex. What could possibly go wrong?

Friday The 13th was like a shot of adrenaline to the horror genre. While the ’70s featured more psychological fright films, Friday The 13th was a sign of things to come in the ’80s. Deep thinking was out, blood and guts were in.

The Friday The 13th Retrospective - Best Kills and Hottest Babes
I really should pick up that damn ax…

Directed by Sean S. Cunningham, F13 went on to gross an astounding $40 million, dwarfing its $500,000 budget by an insane amount. Reviews were, of course, universally unfavorable, a fate that would befall every movie in the series. Fans, however, were well served by the goods on display. Speaking of goods, the series’ trademark T&A was first introduced here and would go on to corrupt young minds for generations to come. My right hand thanks you, Friday The 13th. It’s considerably larger and veinier than my left hand thanks to your copious masturbatory fodder.

This movie is perhaps best remembered for its shocking twist. Best remembered might be incorrect, after all, Drew Barrymore, in Scream’s opening moments totally forgot that the killer in Friday The 13th was Jason’s mother, rather than the masked one. Friday The 13th holds up remarkably well a full 31 years after its release. The series was at its best, still scary and many entries away from degenerating into self-parody. I would still recommend it to up-and-coming horror lovers. Of note: Final Girl™ Adrienne King would return for a minor, yet shocking, cameo in the sequel.

BEST KILL: A pre-fame Kevin Bacon gets it in the neck! I guess Momma Voorhees wanted to pre-murder him for Footloose.

BEST BABE: Jeannine Taylor. Minor nudity only, but check out that ferocious derriere!

The Friday The 13th Retrospective - Best Kills and Hottest Babes


More tits and bloody killings after the jump…

]]>
/friday-the-13th-best-kills-hottest-babes/21878/feed/ 1
Summer Is About To Get Crazy In New Slasher TV Show “Dead of Summer” /dead-summer/109096/ /dead-summer/109096/#respond Mon, 23 May 2016 22:17:12 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=109096 Freeform’s upcoming ’80s-inspired slasher TV show Dead of Summer is teased in two new promo clips embedded on this page.

Slated to air on Tuesday, June 28th, the killer new show is set in the late 1980s during summer break at Camp Stillwater. Seven camp counselors plan for the time of their lives, but the camp has a darkside and evil will be unleashed once again after being closed down for several years.

Dead of Summer stars Elizabeth Mitchell (The Purge: Election Year) as Deborah “Deb” Carpenter, Elizabeth Lail (Once Upon a Time) as Amy Hughes, Zelda Williams (Teen Wolf) as Drew Reeves, Mark Indelicato (Ugly Betty) as Blair.

Will you tune in on Freeform to watch the slasher TV show next month? Let us know in the comment section below.


Dead of Summer E01 – “Patience”

Camp Stillwater is about to reopen after being closed down for years. Deb (Elizabeth Mitchell), the new owner, has thrown her heart, soul and life savings into renovating the camp she loved as a child. She isn’t the only one excited to return as six former campers—Alex (Ronen Rubinstein), Jessie (Paulina Singer), Cricket (Amber Coney), Joel (Eli Goree), Blair (Mark Indelicato) and Blotter (Zachary Gordon)—join her as counselors hoping to experience the freedom that camp brings now that they are older. Not part of the old crew, Amy (Elizabeth Lail) is not just new to Camp Stillwater, but to camp in general. While Amy tries her best to fit in with the already tight group, Drew (Zelda Williams) is content to be left alone. As everyone settles in and prepares for the campers’ arrival, Amy is the first to get a feeling that something is not right with this idyllic summer camp.


Dead of Summer :60 Promo Preview

]]>
/dead-summer/109096/feed/ 0
Watch The Official Trailer for Scream Factory’s Slasher “Fender Bender” /watch-official-trailer-scream-factorys-slasher-fender-bender/108794/ /watch-official-trailer-scream-factorys-slasher-fender-bender/108794/#respond Mon, 16 May 2016 08:38:53 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=108794 Following a car accident, 17-year old Hilary will soon realize that it was a bad idea to exchange her personal information with a psychopathic killer in Scream Factory’s new slasher, Fender Bender. Ahead of its premiere on Chiller, the official was recently dropped given viewers a look at the deadliness of the driver.

In a small New Mexico town, a 17-year-old high school girl who just got her driver’s license gets into her first fender bender, innocently exchanging her personal information with an apologetic stranger. Later that stormy night, she is joined in her desolate suburban home by a couple of her school friends who try their best to make a night out of it, only to be visited by the stranger she so willingly handed all of her information to — a terrifying and bizarre serial killer who stalks the country’s endless miles of roads and streets with his old rusty car, hungrily searching for his next unsuspecting victim.

Fender Bender stars Makenzie Vega, Dre Davis, Cassidy Freeman, Kelsey Leos Montoya, Harrison Sim and Bill Sage as The Driver. The film is scheduled to premiere on June 3rd, 2016.

]]>
/watch-official-trailer-scream-factorys-slasher-fender-bender/108794/feed/ 0
Watch The Teaser For Fender Bender, “A Crash Course In Terror” [VIDEO] /watch-teaser-fender-bender-a-crash-terror-video/108331/ /watch-teaser-fender-bender-a-crash-terror-video/108331/#respond Mon, 02 May 2016 09:49:47 +0000 https://www.yellmagazine.com/?p=108331 Here is new horror film that will make you think twice before getting into your car and driving carelessly in the streets. Fender Bender is an old-school slasher film which will bring back lost memories from the 80s for the veterans and bring in new unexpected thrills for the next-gen horror viewers.

Fender Bender is Scream Factory’s first original horror film that’s written and directed by Mark Pavia (The Night Flier), which will be premiering on the Chiller network June 3rd at 9PM ET. Scream Factory officially announced the title back in October. Ever since, they have been pretty keen on sharing progress and details about the film. Today, they have released the first teaser trailer and killer new poster for Fender Bender.

Fender Bender Poster

The film stars Makenzie Vega (The Good Wife), Dre Davis (Pretty Little Liars, Scavenger Killers), Cassidy Freeman (Smallville, Longmire) and Bill Sage (American Psycho, We Are What We Are).


Fender Bender Synopsis

In a small New Mexico town, a 17-year-old high school girl who just got her driver’s license gets into her first fender bender, innocently exchanging her personal information with an apologetic stranger. Later that stormy night, she is joined in her desolate suburban home by a couple of her school friends who try their best to make a night out of it, only to be visited by the stranger she so willingly handed all of her information to — a terrifying and bizarre serial killer who stalks the country’s endless miles of roads and streets with his old rusty car, hungrily searching for his next unsuspecting victim.

]]>
/watch-teaser-fender-bender-a-crash-terror-video/108331/feed/ 0