Yell! Magazine is here to celebrate Fulci’s greatest works in this top ten list that only covers a small fraction of Fulci’s lifetime of work. With the rise of torture porn and the re-emergence of westerns on the horizon, could Fulci’s works be on the way to remake city like so many other classic works?

Only time will tell, but for now, read on and remember a time when the blood was a little more bright and the gore was just a little more over the top.

No.10 The New York Ripper

This 1982 film by Fulci gives the audience a taste of everything that a great giallo film contains. The plot is as follows: a jaded old New York police detective teams up with a collegiate psychoanalyst to track down a serial killer that has been menacing lovely young women at random. More bizarrely, the killer adopts a strange (and somewhat hilarious) duck voice over the phone as he kills women. The trailer has it all: loud shrieking, sexual violence, a hot chick masturbating, and the sentence, “He used a very sharp knife, rammed it into her vagina, and hauled up into it as hard as he could.” What more could you want? Don’t let the duck voice scare you off; the plentiful gore, red herrings, and contrived sleaze more than make up for the film’s shortcomings. The film was notably banned in many countries and released as an adults-only video after heavy editing. Most of Fulci’s work has been released uncut in the United Kingdom, but The New York Ripper remains censored even to this day.

No.9 Manhattan Baby

This film is a little out of the ordinary from Fulci’s other fare in that it’s not excessively gory or bloody. But sometimes you don’t have to make a decent horror flick with tons of gore for it to be a good horror film. Lucio Fulci creates a dreamlike, etherworld atmosphere in Manhattan Baby, the story of a girl possessed by an entity mistakenly freed by one of her parents, an Egyptologist. The violence is a little more subtle in this one and it seems to have been Fulci’s attempt at a true psychological horror picture, but when paired with the spellbinding cinematography and surreal atmosphere, it still makes for a good foray into the world of Lucio Fulci.

No.8 House by the Cemetery

House by the Cemetery is the third movie in the unofficial Gates of Hell trilogy. The film was considered a video nasty and with good reason; in the first few bits of the film, a young woman is lured to the titular house for some good ol’ premarital sex before she’s stabbed through the back of the head with a kitchen knife, the tip of which protrudes through her mouth. When a young family move into the house a few months later, they’re troubled by strange occurrences. The plot tends a little more toward the supernatural in this Fulci film, drawing influence from both The Shining and Frankenstein, but that doesn’t make it any less disturbing.

No.7 City of the Living Dead

This Fulci flick also has supernatural elements and is the first installment of the Gates of Hell trilogy. After a priest hangs himself in a cemetery, the gates of Hell are opened. Superpowered zombies go on a bloody killing spree in a remote town. This film not only features shots of ‘head drilling’ and a woman vomiting up all of her internal organs in a gruesome torrent of blood and guts, but also features among the unique brand of Fulci gore, someone getting his brains squeezed right out the back of his head with a zombie’s meaty fist. This movie ties in equal parts mysticism and zombies, along with a few well done references to H.P. Lovecraft’s work to make for a solid film.

No.6 Contraband

Contraband is another departure from the horror films that made Lucio Fulci famous. Poliziotteschi films emerged in Italy sometime in the 1960s but reached their popularity in the 1970s, depicting both crime and action in a gritty way. When you throw Fulci into the mix, you get it ten times more gritty. And bloody. A crimelord cigarette and booze smuggler named Luca has his world shattered when his brother is killed by a sadistic French crime boss known as the Marsigliese, who sets off an epic gang war. Luca has to join forces with rival smugglers, mafiosos, and even the long arm of the law when the Marsigliese abducts his wife. This particular poliziotteschi film is notable for Lucio Fulci’s personal touches to the tune of high octane amounts of violence and gore, including a woman’s face being burnt off with a blow torch.

Find out which Lucio Fulci movie ranked No. 1 on the next jump.

Trust us, it’s an amazing little short that follows the journey of a man and his baby daughter after he gets bit by a zombie. A decision needs to be made, but will he make the right one?

Find out and watch Cargo now!

If you’re a fan of Japanese AV Idol Sora Aoi, then Big Tits Zombie might be a little tame for you. But if you would like to watch her with her clothes on (mostly anyway) hacking apart zombies with a chainsaw and an attitude, then this Takao Nakano horror/comedy is perfect for you.

Depending on your level of interest in Japanese slash/gore/sex cinema, you may remember Nakano as the guy who brought us awesome films like Hop Step Jump!, Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy, and Sumo Vixens. No worries on missing those films though, as Big Tits Zombie (aka, The Big Tits Dragon) is Nakano’s best.

The story centers on Lena Jodo (Sora Aoi), an “entertainer” recently returned to Japan from Mexico. Out of work and out of money, she receives and accepts a job proposal from a former employer. Joining four other dancers at a rundown and unpopular club in the middle of nowhere was not what Lena had in mind, but beggars can’t be choosers.

The girls, who include Darna, a money-crazy pinay looking to send money back to her family in the Philippines (played by Io Aikawa), Maria, a rock-loving goth girl with a jealous and evil megalomaniac personality (played by Mari Sakurai), Nene, the elder and mother figure of the bunch (played by Tamayo), and Ginko, the tattooed and gorgeous rival and partner-in-killing of Lena (played by fellow AV star Risa Kasumi), discover a hidden door in the wall of their dressing room. It leads to a basement containing a ancient book and a secret well.

Before taking stock of their situation, Maria reads aloud part of the book and the dead come to life. Other of the undead escape from hell up through the basement well after the women have left. When Darna later returns to the basement to retrieve money she found and hid before the other girls discovered it, she is attacked and devoured by the well-escaping flesh eaters.

Darna is not the only one of the girls unable to survive. When zombies invade the strip club from the outdoors, Nene gets bitten. The four girls rush back to their dressing room where Maria betrays them. Thinking she can escape to the basement, Maria jumps into the stairwell and locks the door behind her leaving Nene, Lena, and Ginko to fend for themselves.

The girls battle their way outside and escape in the club van. Meanwhile, Maria discovers she has trapped herself in a room full of the undead and has no way to escape. But with her possession of the book, she is able to control the flesh-eating crazies and begins to form an army of the undead bent to her evil will.

This sets up the final confrontation between Maria and her zombie army versus Lena and Ginko. Good triumphs over evil, but at a cost. Maria may have been dispatched, but Ginko is bitten by her dead younger sister.

Lena, now in possession of the book, returns to the club to get the money she is owed from the owner. The movie ends with Lena summoning Ginko from the other world to take possession of the girls’ earnings from the greedy club owner.

There is no hiding the fact that this film is juvenile. The acting is mediocre and the script sophomoric, which is why it’s so much fun. Add the facts that you have lots of blood, guts, and hot Asian chicks wearing little clothing, and you can understand why we at Yell! Magazine love it. A film that shows why a good set of knockers and lots of the red stuff goes a long way in having a film conquer its artistic shortcomings.

The Returned

Nicholas Gonzalez (Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid) has been added to a growing cast and crew for the pilot episode of The Returned. The show – brought to us by Brillstein Entertainment, Brad Pitt’s Plan B, and ABC Studios – has been penned by Aaron Zelman (AMC’s The Killing) and counts Samaire Armstrong (The Mentalist), Sam Hazeldine (The Raven), and Matt Craven (Disturbia, X-Men: First Class) among the cast. Also, Charles McDougall has signed a two-year contract with ABC Studios to direct the series (he’s also directing and executive producing the pilot).

The Returned synopsis:

The Returned chronicles how the lives of the people in Arcadia are forever changed when their deceased loved ones return.

It’s painfully obvious that ABC is trying to cash in on the success of The Walking Dead, which everyone is a fan of. The zombie market is already saturated, yet there are some of us who will ravenously eat up anything zombie-related like their brains. But, is there really room on television for another zombie drama? Post your thoughts in the comments section below.

Rock Hard \m/

Tim T. Cunningham’s (primarily known as a visual effects producer) Sick Boy is a slow-burn film, building and building until all hell breaks loose. It’s your classic babysitter story with a boogeyman lurking about, but this time an interesting zombie genesis story is thrown in. And that’s kind of what we need in today’s zombie saturated world, original zombie stories (I personally can’t stop recommending Dead Girl).

With an estimated budget of just $50,000, Cunningham and his team pulled of a descent movie, but with that kind of investment we couldn’t expect much more than what we got. The shots almost make Sick Boy look like a found-footage film, which it is not, the acting isn’t the best, and the dialog is a bit bland (but perhaps that’s because it’s closer to how we really talk, which is pretty boring).

To get to the end of the film, our female protagonist, Lucy (Skye McCole Bartusiak, who actually reminds me of Kaley Cuoco), had to make a classic horror movie mistake. Does that make this movie cliche? I don’t think so. Films need mechanisms to move the plot forward, and there’s only so many to use. Deal with it. But, man, what an idiot.

The Verdict: [rating:2]

There’s enough meat in Sick Boy‘s story to keep you watching, but if you’re not as hungry as a zombie is for brains to see another zombie tale, you might want to skip this one. I enjoyed it, and the liberal use of squirting blood reminded me of Hammer Films.

Rock Hard \m/

Yell! Rating (x/5 Skulls):

[rating:2]

Year Released:

23 October 2012

Director:

Tim T. Cunningham

Cast/Crew

Skye McCole Bartusiak, Marc Donato, Debbie Rochon

Genre

Horror, Thriller

Official URL:

none

So, what did we talk about? Girls, of course! Actually, not at all. What didn’t make the cut was stuff about each band member’s heritage, foodie stuff, and beer stuff. Heafy is a pretty big foodie, so much so that he keeps a blog, kiichichaos. And, as so many of the other bands mentioned to us at Heavy MTL, Heafy also commented on the outstanding catering at the event.

The material that you will get to hear and see in the video includes stuff about metal as a lifestyle, Heafy’s top 5-ish horror films, zombie survival tips, Randy Blythe opinions, and more.

Rock Hard \m/

How to Survive a Zombie Attack – The Outbreak

It all kicked off in Miami, Florida, on Saturday, May 26th, when Rudy Eugene was found, naked, chewing on another man’s face. It’s reported that it took nearly 20 minutes to take down Eugene from the start of his cannibalistic onslaught. When the police first ordered the would-be zombie to stop, Eugene allegedly turned toward the officers, growled, and simply went back to his all-you-can-eat homeless-man buffet. According to the Herald Sun, “’He had his face eaten down to his goatee. The forehead was just bone. No nose, no mouth,’ said Sgt Armando Aguilar, president of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police.” Mmm, yummy!

Next, we heard of Luka Rocco Magnotta, a Montreal, Quebec, resident, who chopped up a 33-year-old university student, Lin Jun, sent body parts to both the Conservative and Liberal Party of Canada Head Quarters, and allegedly raped the corpse and ate his flesh. Magnotta was arrested this morning (June 4th) in Germany.

Following this, we have Kenyan-born Alexander Kinyua, who confessed last week to killing Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, in their Maryland home, and then eating his heart and parts of his brain. Again with the chopping, police reportedly found his severed head and hands in their home, with the rest of his remains found in a trash container near a church.

Not to be outdone by mere cannibalism, 43-year-old New Jersey resident, Wayne Carter, had police kicking in his door after officials received reports that he had locked himself inside with a knife and was threatening to harm himself. Pepper spray was used in an attempt to calm Carter, but it only seemed to piss him off more. He began to stab himself in the stomach, neck and face, before throwing bits of his flesh and intestines at on-scene officers.

All of this, coupled with a bizarre Zombie Apocalypse blog post – later retracted and replaced with a confusing comic – by the Centers for Disease Control leads me to believe that we are, in fact, in the midst of our very own zombie apocalypse. I know right? Yay! Yes, yes, I know it’s five years too early, but zombie survivors must be prepared for anything! And, do you know how to survive a zombie attack? Fear not, dear readers, for I am here to save the day. I’ve compiled a list must-haves and must-dos to survive the coming undead pandemic, and I’ve very thoughtfully decided to share it with you. There’s safety in numbers, after all, right? Besides, the more survivors there are, the less likely I am to have my cranium gnawed on.

How to Survive a Zombie Attack – The Tips

No.9 Run!

If Zombieland taught us anything, it’s that cardio is key, so if you haven’t started training yet, you’re probably shit out of luck. But no worries, you’ll serve as distractions for those of us who’ve been training all our lives for this and know how to survive a zombie attack. Thanks!

No.8 Annie, get your gun!

This rule should be self-explanatory, but I’m rarely a woman of few words, so I’ll explain anyway. Always have a gun. Always. Knives and swords and crossbows are good too, yes, but knifes and swords are both close-combat weapons, and crossbows take time to reload and perfect aim to meet their mark. I don’t care how slowly these zombies shamble; a moving target is still a moving target.

No.7 Stock up

You never know when you’ll be able to make a food-run during a zombie apocalypse, so it’s best to stock up on whatever food you can. This includes a gallon of water, per person, per day, plus all the non-perishables you can carry. If you have to put saddle bags on the dog, put saddle bags on the damn dog!

Speaking of saddle bags, this brings us to our next item on the list:

No.6 Transportation

Knowing how to survive a zombie attack means knowing where to get gas-powered vehicles. Yes, it’s more dangerous if you happen to run out of gas at an inopportune time, but, let’s not forget what happened to the horse in The Walking Dead. Live animals do not fare well with zombies; they tend to be either too skittish, or too curious. Either way, they’re dead, and if you’re with them, you probably won’t be coming out of it the same way you went in. Be warned. That’s not to say that you should leave your fur-babies at home when you make your escape, just make sure you can carry them, if the going gets rough. A 150-pound Rottweiler may sound ideal, but when he’s cowering with his stub between his legs, are you going to be able to pick him up and jog with him? That’s why cats are better, but I digress. Oh, and if Fido has to be sacrificed to the coming hoards, make sure you relieve him of his saddle bags first.

There are five more tips on how to survive a zombie attack after the jump…

How To Survive A Zombie Attack

Any horror lit nerds in the house? Well, I’m one. Generally speaking, book-to-movie adaptations catch my eye – especially when they’re not very well known. Ghoul is based on a book of the same name by Bram Stoker-Award-recipient Brian Keene, who usually has quite a flair for zombie lit. His more recognizable tomes are The Rising and City of the Dead, but Ghoul presents us with a little more than zombie fiction, in both print and on reel.

The opening credits are arguably the most gripping aspect of this film. Savor them while they last, because it’s going to be a while before you get any more stimulation. School is out and summer’s just begun. Timmy Graco (Modern Family‘s Nolan Gould) and his two best friends — chubby kid Doug (Jacob Bila, who looks like the chubby kid from Modern Family, but isn’t), and creepy child labor-law pushin’/grave-digging Barry (Trevor Harker) — are about to have the summer of their lives. The boys have built a conveniently cemetery-located secret underground clubhouse that they call the dugout and they’re planning on being like the far more dysfunctional version of the Goonies, which might be the best way to sum up this movie – but let’s keep going, just for shits and grins.

Our protagonists are plagued with your average childhood problems: Doug is morbidly obese, they get chased by stray dogs, the creepy friend has the abusive town drunk for a father… you know, kid stuff. And Timmy (our central character), well his problem seems to be that his dad expects him to do his chores — and his shitty friends. More to the point, Timmy’s cool old grandpa dies within the movie’s first 15 minutes. Grandpa’s death should have set the tone for the rest of the movie, but just like the opening credits, it’s one of the rare and short-lived plot-advancing things that happens.

However, good news for Timmy: Grandpa’s death means fewer chores. Hurray! Two local teenagers go missing, “Beware the ghoul” is written on one of the headstones in the cemetery, and thus our story begins.

Alright, I’m gonna be straight with you guys: I didn’t know what the hell this movie was about when I sat down to watch it. I really only knew that it had been a book by Brian Keene — and for some reason that was enough to pique my interest despite having only read one of Keene’s books (to my shame, it wasn’t either book listed above). I have to say that I was a little disappointed because based on my one reading experience I’d had with Keene, I really expected more out of this movie. What I got was something that was undoubtedly way better in print than on film.

In terms of the movie adaptation, I feel like this was one of those plot-driven movies that tried to push boundaries and got a little off the mark. Spoiler alerts! Somewhere along the line, shit got real for our child characters. Barry gets the snot beat out of him by his loving father and Doug admits to Timmy that his alcoholic mother molests him on a nightly basis. You start to wonder, “Timmy, how are you attracting these screwed up friends? Do you murder cats under the front porch?”

I think that the point that was being driven home is that humans are really the monsters. We have a good deal of small-town mythology mixed in with these little plot points and ultimately it gets somewhat confusing in the middle — you’ll have long moments of stagnant nothing in Ghoul, and then something will happen, and… Really, it should have been a mini-series to explain things a little better.

The Verdict: [rating:1.5]

Ghoul may have tried a little too hard to be a coming-of-age horror story. I feel like it should be an after-school special for the deeply disturbed. And the movie ends on a strangely heartwarming note. Breaking taboos certainly isn’t Ghoul‘s strong suit.

I’ll point out, however, that the child actors in act their little rumps off. They’re way better than a good deal of the adult actors, and if they’re lucky, they’ll either get out of show biz while they’re still cute or Ghoul will become a blip on their “embarrassing movies I did to break into the business as a child” radar. If they’re even luckier, they can all avoid the necessary cocaine/alcohol binges and rehab.

The blood and gore in Ghoul isn’t strong or gripping; it’s more like it’s there because it has to be there, and for no other reason — just like sex in a fundamentalist Christian relationship, only being had for the reason of procreation, and in the missionary position to boot. Too far?

The three things that all of us can take away from Ghoul are: 1. Small towns are effed up, no matter what. 2. Two out of three kids have abusive parents. 3. Slow-moving plots are worse than slow-moving zombies.

Yell! Rating (x/5 Skulls):

[rating:1.5]

Year Released:

13 April 2012

Director:

Gregory Wilson

Cast/Crew

Nolan Gould, Andrea Frankle, Chelsea Bruland, Brett Lapeyrouse, Glen Warner, Teresa Alvarez, Crystal Rivers, Tim Bell, and Mattie Liptak

Genre

Drama, Horror, Thriller

Official URL:

none

Credit: InkedMag.com

We live in interesting times, an era in which we combine and admire the unlikely pairing of traditional pin-up beauty with traditional outlaw or military symbols of masculinity. Tattoos and sexy pin-up women have become relatively commonplace, and we here at Yell! Magazine are grateful for the shift in perspective. There’s often a horror element involved with the neo pin-ups and their accompanying ink, which is something else we can appreciate.

Is there a better way to celebrate the combination of the old with the new, the beauty with the horror, the class with the outlaw, than with a 17” x 11” Marilyn Monroe Zombie Doll print? The original artwork was done by Carissa Rose and the prints are hand signed. Protecting your cool Marilyn Monroe Zombie Doll print is 80 lb semi-gloss cover. Don’t neglect to check out the details; the stitched boob is a great touch.

These are only available at InkedMag.com, however, the price has dropped from $29.95 to $19.95.

Rock Hard \m/

Credit: Tauntr

We’re all familiar with the timeless and enduring Converse Allstars. Canvas, rubber tipped and souled, most comfortable with a few holes, mandatory accessory for hard rockers, punk rockers, and metalheads. And, most recently, hipster compensation for a small cock.

If there’s one thing that we learned from Zombieland, it’s that cardio is important in a zombie apocalypse. As such, you’re gonna need a pair of shoes to do the job. Allstars might not be the perfect shoe for outrunning zombies, but they’ll do the trick. They’re lightweight and provide loads of traction and they pack nicely.

As much as we’d like it to happen, zombies are not going to infest the planet. What’s to do instead? Start by paying homage to perhaps the greatest TV series of all time, The Walking Dead. Or would you be paying homage to the comic? Whichever, these Walking Dead Converse Allstars are truly awesome.

Note: The bloody tips aren’t available for sale at this time, but hopefully Tauntr will make it happen soon.

For now, you can buy the non-bloody Walking Dead Converse for $85 at https://tauntr.myshopify.com.

Rock Hard \m/