On-Air With Brian: Insidious (2011) Movie Review

Yell! Magazine review:

Previous columns from Brian’s sick and twisted head:
DJs Aren’t The Only Ones Who Use Their Mouths
Strippers And Han Solo Fleshlights
Hinder Likes Reeses Pieces

So, the gf and I went to see Insidious last night at our local theater.

I had read a bunch of reviews about how it’s really scary, even though it’s only rated PG-13… meaning there’s no copious amounts of blood or F-bombs (two of my favorite horror movie staples). Either way, I was looking forward to seeing what James Wan was gonna do this time around.

After a half hour, I knew it was essentially going to be a Poltergeist remake, which I was fine with because even though the story had been told over and over and over and over and over, a new director and new actors should give it some originality.

The kid bumps his head, the wife starts hearing and seeing shit, the husband wants to be supportive, but it’s just too damn crazy. They move. It’s not the house.

Hey look, it’s Darth Maul! Cue the “Imperial March.”

Not sure why Wan went with this demon look. Seriously, It’s fucking Darth Maul. Not that he’s not creepy and scary-as-shit; you certainly wouldn’t want to run into him late at night in an alleyway. But c’mon… that’s just lazy.

You really jarred something loose, Tiger. There’s no pictures of him as a kid and now we know why! I’m going in after him. Wow, it’s dark in here. Predictable ending.

When I found out that it was demons and evil spirits looking to inhabit the kid’s body, I assumed one of two things….

1. They’d get his spirit out and all would be right with the world.

2. They’d realize they couldn’t stop Darth Maul and they’d kill the kid’s physical body to save him/themselves.

I wasn’t correct on either account. There’s a slight “twist” at the end, but you’ll see it coming.

All in all, Insidious wasn’t a bad movie: It’s entertaining, has great music to set the mood, and decent acting. Lots of tension throughout the film; you knew there was a “jump” moment coming, but you still wondered when it would happen.

I do have a couple of suggestions for this particular type of movie, however:

1. Can it be the dude who sees shit and the wife is the one who doesn’t believe? Just once? Please? Seriously, switch it up a bit: Poltergeist, The Devil’s Advocate, Paranormal Activity, Insidious, etc., all of these movies have the husband as the sane one who doesn’t believe in all this ghost crap while the wife goes bonkers. It’d be nice to have the roles reversed.

2. Don’t have Darth Maul as your bad guy. Unless it’s Star Wars. This may be just me, but it’s hard to disconnect the two characters.

3. Why the unnecessary characters? The other son in Insidious has one semi-important line in the movie, and that’s it. The baby has more lines than this kid did. And neither of the kids looked like each other or the parents; I spent the first half hour of the movie wondering if they were adopted.

Also, if you have a cold/cough/throat tickle, whatever, LEAVE THE FUCKING THEATER AND GET A GODDAMNED LOZENGE. Seriously. I could write a million pages about the unbelievably rude and hideous behavior I’ve seen in theaters, but I’ll stick to this one example since it’s what we dealt with last night… girl in the row behind us coughed every 6.2 seconds during the Entire. Fucking. Movie.

In summation, Insidious was a decent movie with a few creepy parts. Since it’s PG-13, it might be best to save it for an at-home viewing, rather than spending all that money at the theater.