On-Air With Brian: Hinder Likes Reeses Pieces

Working in radio, I’ve been pretty lucky. Believe it or not, an overweight guy with an average penis can use his job in radio to score chicks that are way outside of his normal ability, or so I’ve heard.

Another great thing about working in radio is that I’ve been able to go to concerts for free for the last 13 years. And usually, I’ve been able to meet some of the artists before or after the show. The following is the story of the time I met Hinder.

Yeah… those guys.

First off, anybody who’s worked in radio will tell you that it’s not the band that makes it tough to get access–it’s the management. Trying to get band/tour management to give you backstage passes is like asking Mother Teresa for a pair of her panties. Not so much with Hinder’s tour manager. Dude gave me a stack of aftershow passes and said, “Just make sure they’re 21.” I gladly obliged.

After the show, the station’s overnight guy and I wandered onto their tour bus with our girlfriends (yeah, I know). Ever seen a three-gallon bottle of Smirnoff vodka with a pump? I have. Ever had the lead singer and guitarist from a nationally known band pour you shots of Jager and open your Bud Light for you? I have. Dudes were funny, welcoming, and extremely nice. And then the chickenheads showed up.

About 15 hoochies boarded the bus and instantly the band’s attention shifted. But I didn’t mind. It was like watching Animal Kingdom. A couple of the girls knew who I was and began asking me about being in our annual radio station calendar. They even had some preliminary shots on their phones and were more than happy to show them to me. The drummer for the band saw this interaction and said that we should go to the back of the bus to take some more pictures of the girls. I had the camera, he had access to the back of the bus, and away we went.

“Here it comes”, I thought. My Mötley Crüe moment. Finally, after all these years in radio, I was going to have the Kid Rock/Scott Stapp night of pleasure (Google it). After a few pictures, the tops started to come off and missile launch was imminent. Until…

The tour manager peeked through the curtain and told me that my girlfriend was crying and freaking out. FML.

Now, I love this girl, and someday I’m probably going to marry her, so it’s for the best that I left the back of that tour bus. Unfortunately, I had left my camera back there with the drummer and the topless duo. After a few minutes of calming my girlfriend down, I excused myself to the rear of the bus to obtain said camera. Both girls were still topless, and here’s the conversation that ensued:

Topless girl #2: “My ass hurts.”
Me: “What the hell happened back here?”
Drummer for Hinder: “You ever heard of Reeses Pieces?”
Me: “No…”
Drummer for Hinder: “That’s what happened back here.”

The tour manager was furiously deleting pictures from my camera and quickly handed it back to me. I continued to wonder aloud what this “Reeses Pieces” was. I even got the drummer’s cell phone number so that I could call him the next time the band was in town. For the record, I called him the next day to try to get an explanation of “Reeses Pieces,” but he never answered nor returned my phone call.

Luckily, the Internet is home to all that is sordid, and Urban Dictionary came to my rescue. The second definition of “Reeses Pieces” on Urbandictionary.com will tell you the same thing it told me… that I missed out on perhaps the greatest thing to ever happen in my lifetime.

Moral of the story? Never judge a book by it’s cover. And never bring your girlfriend on a tour bus.

Brian Simpson is a DJ at the active rock radio station 95.7 The Rock in La Crosse, Wisconsin. He’s also a hardcore Metallica fan (having been to 50-odd concerts) and a hard-riding scooter biker (his scooter is fashioned after the Green Goblin).