Tesla Wars Review For iPhone – Or: Shocking! Electrifying! Jolting! Other Words That Mean BZZZZT!

Wow! Sorry, folks, had something stuck in my throats. Tesla Wars, from the fine and undoubtedly tasty people at Synaptic Wave, is a fun little time-waster that, while not revolutionizing the Tower Defense genre, does do its own thing and does it rather well. It has graphics that are pleasing to the eyes, stellar sound effects that really make you want to keep playing and is generally a great way to murder a few hours. You’re tasked with defending a static, towering Tesla coil and its attached structures from wave after wave of suicidal and heavily armed idiots bent on getting hit with enough volts to reanimate Amy Winehouse.

Mr. Tesla? Mr. Edison is at the door and he’s brought an army this time.

While zapping faceless, black stick figure goons over and over does inevitably get repetitive, there’s something innately satisfying about the game’s sound effects that make you lust for “…just one more wave.” What is it about zapping people, either with static electricity from rubbing our feet on a shag carpet or, in this case, with a bazillion volts from Nikola’s worst nightmare that never gets old? Human nature, I suppose. Not that I would know. The only thing I use human nature for is as an appetizer. As is usually the case for this type of game, successfully clearing a wave earns you cash based on your prowess. (Not unlike my days as a male escort. The ladies loooove the tentacles.) Cash can be spent on several power-ups, including more health, stronger walls and your usual assortment of overpowered, screen-clearing mega powers. I highly suggest you invest on a bigger power reserve, zapping fools drains power and higher level waves require a deep pool of energy in order to survive.

Do I want to ruin their day or do I REALLY want to ruin their day?

There are 200 levels to clear in Tesla Wars, so if you’re one of those people who enjoys the constant thrill of leveling up, you’ll be well served here. Keeping a steady eye on your power levels is key to success, you’ll regenerate power over time, but going nuts with the lightning bolts is a surefire way to become overwhelmed by your opponents. Tesla Wars never gets so unfair that you feel like tossing your iPhone against the nearest wall, the difficulty level stays mostly steady throughout, with enemy and locale variety switching things up often enough to keep the whole thing fresh. Tesla Wars is a neat little gem. Neither revolutionary nor ground-breaking, it chooses to do what it does very well. Sound design is fun. Graphics are always pleasant. I recommend it without reservation. For the record, I made it to wave 42 before sitting down to write this review, only stopping because my thumbs were getting numb.

The Verdict:

Wha…? TheMatt here. You can’t do that! You can’t just hi-jack the rating without…

(Cough!) Just kidding, big guy. You go right ahead. Really. My treat. And I’d be glad to have you go out with my mom. Really, that Dagon guy smelled like fish anyway. You smell like roses. Angry, sanity-shattering roses.