by Dockery
Some people always have this weird notion that movies made a long time ago are inherently superior to the ones being made now, because of all the “hard work” and “real emotion” that was apparently put into them. Therefore, it’s always nice when I’m sent a movie or a clip that reveals the opposite. I don’t care if this scene from One Million AC/DC cost two dollars or a smile and a wink to shoot, there absolutely had to be at least one better way to put together this dinosaur attack. From the way it’s shot now, it borderline conjures the Devil.
Another idea that’s popular is that people only started to create porn out of everything fairly recently. Part of that statement is true. A few minutes ago, someone saw me writing the first paragraph of this article, liked what they saw, and began the production of Daniel Drinks His Third Cup Of Coffee: MILF Alone At Home XXX. However, people have been making porn out of things that shouldn’t, under normal, human circumstances, be porn, for forever. This clip is from a film made in 1969, because someone saw One Million Years BC and decided, “This would be 10 times better if you could see the boobs.”
One Million AC/DC was written by the infamous mastermind behind Plan 9 From Outer Space, Ed Wood Jr., and though I doubt he had anything to do with the way the horny dinosaurs looked in this clip, I can’t help but feel that any involvement that he might have had somehow magically drained money from the budget. As soon as he signed on to write “Dinosaur removes cave woman’s top while obese man stares from cave,” money began disappearing from the studio’s bank account.
Part of me wants to critique the film for the use of two obviously different dinosaur models (and my definition of the word “models” is very open to interpretation) to represent the same beast, but I feel like that’s like criticizing books because they have pages. Sometimes, things are just beyond your control, or like the special effects in One Million AC/DC, beyond the control of any mortal man. I have to just let it exist, no matter how much it may seem to defy my sense of reality.
