by Hack Johnson
I remember when Halloween was taken serious. My mom would take us little brats out around 5 p.m. to go beg for candy or money in some homemade costume. We would do this for about two hours then, when it started to get dark, we’d go home with our booty of sugary treats. Immediately upon arriving home we’d dump this garbage out on the floor on start plowing into it. Once its effects began to take hold is when the real fun began: Horror Movie Marathon!
Halloween was the one time of the year that we could make ourselves sick on candy AND watch movies we weren’t normally allowed to watch. We would start watching and not stop until we were asleep or scared to the point of wetting our jammies. I’m an old fuck so a lot of these movies will be older (and usually better or just plain badass classics), but I think I will give all you twats a two-for. I won’t rank (much) the movies – it will just be a list – so don’t get all pissy and start twerking like some spazzed out Miley Cyrus who forgot to take her meds.
No.10 The Fog (1980)
A remember quite vividly being a young lad and being allowed to watch this great movie on Halloween night. Not that piece of shit remake, which, in case you’re wondering, won’t even make the “Fuck I’m Bored, so let’s watch a shitty movie” list. When those dead sailors climbed out of the fog it sent shivers down my spine. For me, this movie is a MUST on Halloween night.
No.9 The Omen (1976)
Seriously? Is there even ANY question why this would be on the list? The only way The Omen could get creepier is if they tossed in some fucked up haunted porcelain doll that Damian would make out with. Thankfully they didn’t DO that and we just have the son of the devil running around fucking everyone’s day up.
No.8 Creepshow (1982)
Nothing says scary like the Crypt Keeper himself as he introduces those nasty little stories! It takes your basic fears and heightens them. Come on, bro! Buried alive… ON THE BEACH? Fuck that. Room of cockroaches? Oh, hell no! Zombies? Really? Fucking zombies? Listen – it’s awesome sauce all over your girl’s face.
No.7 Trick r’ Treat
It is a little more contemporary, I know, but what can I say? I love tales of horror. Seeing movies like this is like getting a four-pack of miscellaneous beer. You get a nice assortment of stuff to watch. Trick r’ Treat is one of those assortments having several stories interwoven into one nice movie. All around it is a great movie with some nice scares.
No.6 An American Werewolf in London (1981)
We all know the story. Two good buddies go abroad. They hike, hit the pub, get some tang… get attacked by a werewolf. One turns while the other haunts him — ever rotting before his eyes. An American Werewolf in London is a CLASSIC. The story and the effects stand up to today’s horror movies with ease. And, come on! Why would you want to watch that pussy in Twilight when you got this badass running around London eating people? And no, it never gets old dissing Twilight.
Hack Johnson reveals his top 5 horror movie picks for Halloween after the jump…
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