The Colony (2013) – Stay Frosty

Watching The Colony is like watching a full buffet commence on the Donner Pass. The movie is set in the not-too-distant future and not a whole lot is revealed other than we fucked around with weather machines and created a god damned ice age. Dwindling supplies, no meds, and more than 90% of the population dead makes for a real shitty way of life.

In the film, there are underground settlements all around the world and if you get the sniffles, you wind up in quarantine. You get sick and don’t get better on your own, then you have a choice… bullet to head or walk into the snow. Gee Willickers, Batman, that’s mighty cold!

The film is slow to get started, but the virgin’s legs begin to spread when one settlement, led by Briggs (Lawrence Fishburne), receives a mayday from another, nearby settlement. A small group of three, including Briggs, set out into the chilly wasteland to see what the hell has happened.

Shit, meet fan.

After a message about sun and nutrient-rich soil being found under the thick permafrost, hope is restored. The group sent to investigate gets all-but wiped out and on their retreat, lead a gang of cannibals to their home.

Our happy little group finds itself knee-deep in sawed off arms, legs, and ugly motherfuckers with teeth filed to points. Better to eat you with, my dearies, as it were. Death awaits at every corner.

The Verdict

At its tiny heart of darkness, The Colony shares bits and pieces from Demolition, The Thing, and Doomsday. I do recommend a watch. The characters are mainly one-dimensional, but still passable. I applaud the acting. The ending is also greatly lacking. I wanted more. They teased a B-story, but never delivered it... like that ugly-but-doable girl of loose morals in school.